Looking Back at Loving Well
“Love is the bridge between you and everything.” —Rumi
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Perhaps it’s the poisonous political and social environment in the U.S., but 2025 raced by like an express train barreling down the tracks with no scheduled stops. It’s unsettling for time to fly by so quickly. Surely there is much about the past year I’ve forgotten, lost amidst pardons, predators, and protests.
Be that as it may, it’s not hard to recall choices about loving well that touched my heart throughout the year. Some are so simple that it’s easy to underestimate their power to affect the well-being of others. Staying home when you are sick, for example, or wearing a mask when you can’t. Waiting for someone you’re dropping off to get inside before driving away. Saying yes to a meal train or prayer chain when someone needs help. Taking turns when a two-lane highway shrinks down to one. Donating blood.
Other times, loving well is more challenging. Blended families, for example, that create a new “tribe” without leaving old tribe members behind. My nephew, Dennis, and his wife, Hailey, are good role models. Both were married before and had children from those earlier relationships. Interactions with their respective ex-spouses are as congenial and accommodating as I have ever seen. The five girls between them get along well. I’m not so naive as to think such harmony is always possible—or even that these relationships don’t have their fair share of discord at times. However, respect and inclusiveness foster loving well in all families, blended or otherwise, even when it’s hard.
Then, there’s my neighbor Barb who, with her husband, Ed, once rescued Rottweilers (aka Rotties)—a breed of dog known for its strong, muscular body, as well as its protective and sometimes aggressive nature. Guard or attack dogs often are trained Rotties.
Barb and Ed’s fifth rescue Rottie, Greta, growled and bared her teeth at Barb. This behavior continued even after Barb took over all Greta’s feedings, avoided eye contact, and in other ways tried to make herself non-threatening to Greta. As for Ed, Greta followed him all over the house. Poor Ed could not even use the toilet or take a shower without Greta whimpering miserably on the other side of the door.
After two months, nothing changed. This left Barb and Ed with little choice but to contact the rescue agency, Recycled Rotts, and confess that Greta’s adoption was, perhaps, not meant to be. The agency encouraged them to give Greta one more month to adjust to her new home. So Barb and Ed continued doing all they could to make her more comfortable, adding some extra tasty treats.
One day when Barb offered the treats, Greta inched toward her and let Barb gently pet her. “After that, it was like a switch got flipped,” Barb recalled. “Greta became a playful, 80-pound lap dog. She also began to enjoy chasing balls, swimming in the lake, and even snowmobiling! Greta loved car rides so much she would try to jump into delivery trucks, hoping for a ride.”
The animal rescue community is filled with people deeply committed to the care and safety of abused, endangered, or unwanted animals. It’s one expression of loving well at its compassionate best.
The year gone by brought sad times, too—a funeral for my friend Kristin and a memorial service for my friend Frank. Kristin’s traditional Catholic Mass was meaningful for many reasons, including a gorgeous church setting and beautiful music. As a priest, Fr. Bill’s love for his work, combined with his personal relationship with Kristin, infused his homily with a tender tone of hope and healing. Kristin’s close friend, Marianne, offered a heartfelt eulogy with stories that honored Kristin’s legacy of loving well with her wisdom, joy, and life of service.
Frank’s Celebration of Life took place in the upper room of a popular, family-owned bistro. Family, friends, and others were privileged to participate in pre-assigned parts of an elegant liturgy composed by Frank before he died as a gift to his wife, Janet. Tears and laughter filled the room in response to readings that ranged from the Bible to the Beatles. In between were humorous anecdotes, poignant reflections, poems, and prayers. The day captured the warmth and intelligence of a man who loved well and was loved well by others, especially his wife of more than 50 years and their son, Frankie. What a gift this time together was to all blessed to attend.
For me, however, the most unexpected chance to explore and affirm the value of loving well came in a book. Theo of Golden by Allen Levi is a love story to humanity best described by the author himself:
The book is a story about choice. Specifically, the choice of one man as to the sort of life he wanted to live…a life of love for people…love for creation…love for God. It was more than a mere feeling…[and] as simple as paying attention, listening, looking at faces, and speaking words of affirmation—things that anyone can choose to do.
The story of Theo and the people of Golden, Georgia includes mental illness, anger, poverty, disability, and death. Theo makes loving well under such circumstances look easy. However, it can be the most demanding soul work to which we are called. The author quotes C.S. Lewis to describe it as something “maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit.” In other words, it doesn’t come naturally to most of us, including me. I work at it every chance I get but rarely live up to my own expectations.
Unlike a speeding express train, loving well invites us to stop—to reflect on the past, ponder the present, and consider what may lie ahead. May the year to come be filled with love, liberty, joy, and justice for all. But the greatest of these is love.
Questions:
What did loving well look like for you in 2025? Does any experience stand out?
Do you know anyone who crafted all or part of their own funeral or memorial service?
What role, if any, have books played in what you know about loving well? Is there a particular book that has been especially helpful?
